In the realm of art, luminaries like Basquiat, Degas, Kienholz, Moore, Picasso, and Segal once ignited the modest world of my formative years. Yet, it was Hermann Nitsch who held precedence. As adolescence dawned, art supplanted nature. Transitioning from Muskogee to Indianapolis, my rural upbringing gave way to pen and paper. The museum emerged as my enchanted woodland, with artists as my spiritual voyagers.
Self Portrait (bald) 1998, charcoal on paper, 8”x10” in
Encountering Nitsch's crimson, orgiastic spectacles was akin to Dorothy Day's transformative conversion. His work unveiled a hauntingly visceral realm, delving into the shadowy recesses of human existence—a terrain I, a staunch vegetarian at the time, dared to explore in the name of art. Nitsch's unconventional performances challenged my protestant Southwestern upbringing and fostered the rebellious spirit nurtured during my tenrure in Germany. Despite ridicule for mentioning Nitsch at the Düsseldorf Art Academy I later studied, his discovery during my first year abroad was utterly fascinating..
Untitled (birth) 1998, 8”x10” inches
At the time, I was lucky to participate in a social project and artist collective called Nebelhorn in a rural part of North Rhine-Westphalia. It was a defining moment of my life as an artist. Nebelhorn is a studio for disabled and non-disabled artists run by Peruvian artist Raúl Avellaneda.
Me and Raúl 1998
Casting Dieter at Moers Jazz Festival 1999
Amongst the collective, I sculpted clay for a mute, immobile woman, guided solely by her expressions and sounds—a creation reminiscent of Gonzalez's Raised Left Hand. Another instance saw me blindfolded, tasked with capturing a stranger's likeness in clay, a formidable challenge. Upon unveiling, my embarrassment was palpable as the child's face resembled that of an elderly man in the bust. Working amidst individuals with diverse abilities illuminated art's transcendence of cultural boundaries. Under Raúl's guidance, limits dissolved, and creativity emanated from body and soul. Each line and interaction within the process became imbued with significance.
Marie and Me, performance at Nebelhorn 1999
This epiphany made me want to rip my clothes off and show the world my teenage angst. I figured out then that art for me wasn’t about achieving a certain style or presenting a subject, nor necessarily about the process or the result, though these things also matter. Art for me was thematic and still is. I think of the creative process as I think of Nitsch or forensic linguistics, as a hushed puzzle to explore.
Like the swift strokes in my pastel sketches, Nitsch's performances evoke a sense of bodily liberation. While undeniably unsettling, his work transcends mere shock value, urging artists like myself, raised amidst puritanical constraints, to embrace unconventional thinking. Despite its shock and awe, Nitsch's art resonates deeply within my youthful, blood-stained heart.
Fallen Angel 1998, charcoal on paper, 40 x 60 cm
untitled (Exodus) 1999, pastel on plaster board, 80x30 cm